Tuesday, 10 July 2012


We have just celebrated our wedding anniversary and it was bliss. I feel very happy, content and secure in my marriage, but it's got me thinking about the several friends I have that are going through the turmoil that infidelity brings and how they felt before they found out their husbands were cheating.

I've been there before, although I wasn't married, but my long term boyfriend cheated on me. I realised in hindsight that he didn't love me anymore and thats why it was easy for him to cheat. There were warning signs and I chose to ignore them. I accept that. What I don't accept is the cheating. Why not just tell me that it's over, separate from the relationship and then move on? My husband thinks that men like to try before they buy and that's why they cheat rather than separating.

I have 5 friends that are going through this right now and several that have in the past. All married. Some with children. It's got me thinking about whether or not the warning signs were there for them beforehand? Did they deep down know that things weren't good? Or has this come as a huge surprise?

It's also got me thinking about forgiving someone that does this to you. I think I probably could for my marriage and for my children, but I wonder how you would ever trust them again? This is what I would struggle with. I know that because of the infidelity that happened in a previous relationship it took a long time to be able to trust anyone again.

What do you think? Could you go back to the man/woman that cheated on you? And would you ever stop looking over your shoulder/ checking emails and text messages again?


  1. In a few words as possible for me hun - nope and nope again! Could never go back because they have just proven they are not that committed to the relationship as you. They were off thinking about the other person or with that other person and not giving 100% to you and your relationship when you were giving 100% to them and the relationship.

    I remember seeing some stats documented somewhere that there is a 99.99% probability a person who cheats will cheat again. I hope this is not true.

    It's an absolutely horrid gut retching feeling to suddenly find out the person we love is not that into us and all the words around their commitment to us ring hollow. But infidelity happens so frequently and maybe its just a human 'failing'.

    Pretty/sexy gal catches the eye of hubby who thinks his wife taking him for granted/doesn't understand him/ has no time for him anymore/spends too much time with the kids or her friends and family etc etc....and here begins the game of betrayal and heartache.

    Re the warning signs. In hindsight we normally see the change in behaviour but I am not sure that many of us would pick up on them 'in the moment'. Nothing stays the same and people do change throughout a relationship so if a sudden haircut or working out the gym, or new clothes happens we sometimes think it is for us. Or our partner is finally lifting their game and getting rid of the few kilos they have stacked on over the past few years. I think the old lipstick on the collar or smelling of perfume may be the only real telling signs that Mr Hubby is playing away. Or not in the case of Mr Hubby going off with another Mr Hubby but we won't go there this time.

    So, back to your question hun as to whether or not we could go back and it is still a NO from me. I better off without the cheating toad.